The Power of an Encouraging Wife

So, although you cannot see me, I can almost guarantee that I won't be able to get through this entire post without shedding some tears and this probably won't be a very 'happy-go-lucky' blog entry.  I apologize in advance for that.  But God has really been working on my heart lately when it comes to my duties as a wife.  I recently purchased the book My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife by Sara Horn.  This book is a lot like a year long journal, chronicling Sara's voyage as she attempts to be a Proverbs 31 Wife (or as she so affectionately refers to her: Martha 31). 

Reading this book really has me re-evaluating exactly how I believe God wants me to act as a wife.  It has me thinking of things I have neglected around the house that I should probably pay some sort of attention to (which I will probably talk more in-depth about in a later blog...).  It has me thinking of things I can do to make my husband's life a little easier.  But most importantly, it has me thinking of how I can better perform my 'spiritual' calling as a wife - more specifically, how I can be an encouragement to my husband.  Proverbs 31:12 says "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."  To me, one of the first things I thought of when I read this was how I could bring my husband "good" by encouraging him more often. 

You see, my husband has been in the US Army for 9 years.  It was always his dream to be in the military.  I hear stories all the time of how Eric would always 'play Army' as a kid, decorate his room in camouflage, and pretty much eat, sleep, and breathe military stuff.  So it wasn't a big surprise when he joined the military straight out of high school.  By that time, his dream had become a little more specific: become an infantryman.  Which he did.  From 2005-2006 he was deployed to Iraq and during that time sustained quite a few combat-related injuries.
 
Fast forward a handful of years...Eric's ailments have seriously affected, not only his life as a soldier, but his everyday life as well.  He can no longer meet most of the physical requirements a soldier has to meet.  Because of this, he is, more or less, being forced into a medical retirement.  I'm pretty sure that some people think this is something that could have been avoided and is only happening because we wanted it to happen - but nothing could be further from the truth.  We both planned and assumed that Eric being in the military would be a lifelong thing, so realizing that this dream was no longer an option was a serious blow to both of us. 

I've been told numerous times by my dad that Eric needs to try to stay in if at all possible and how the economy is absolutely horrible and finding a job is just that much harder....all things I know.  But I have chosen to be optimistic and try to keep my head up.  Why?  Because as hard as it is and as much as it sucks...I know that God has a plan for our lives and that everything will eventually be alright.  I sometimes think that people misinterpret my optimism for immature ignorance, but that's not the case at all. 

Eric, however, has a harder time staying optimistic.  I think that part of it is just because of his nature, but also feel that the majority of it has to do with the fact that he is the provider for our family and automatically has that much more pressure on his shoulders.  I know that a big part of him feels as though he is a failure.  I can't tell you how many times Eric has asked me if I was disappointed in him for not being able to stay in the Army - which is absolutely absurd!  I am so incredibly proud of my husband and how he has handled everything he has had to endure! 

It is extremely heart breaking to see him come home from work each and every day beaten down and dejected.  You see, Eric seems to be pretty harshly judged for the things he can't do, rather than the things that he can.  I've even heard close friends of ours make judgmental comments - as if this is all just one big charade that Eric is putting on - and as much as it irks me, I know it must bother Eric.  It is because of this that I have felt led to be as much of an encouragement to my husband as possible. 

We've known that this medical retirement was coming for quite some time now (probably close to 2 years) but it has just recently been kicked into high gear and we're estimating that we may very well be living civilian lives here in just a few short months.  While getting out of the military isn't something we wanted...after waiting for the inevitable for so long, we are honestly looking forward to closing this chapter in our lives and finally being able to move on to the next. 

But as with any change in life, we are met with a lot of questions and uncertainty.  Thankfully, we have been provided with a place to live - which was quite possibly one of our greatest concerns.  The new major concern: jobs.  Will Eric be able to get a job after we move?  He has bad hearing and is required to wear hearing aids (and the doctors say that they wouldn't be surprised if in the near future he winds up completely deaf), which means that another one of his dreams (being a pilot) is out of the question. 

Doctors have also told him that he is not allowed to lift over 20 pounds (try telling a proud and loving father that when he comes home from work and is met at the door by his daughter with her arms outstretched for him, that he probably shouldn't pick her up...just watch the sadness wash over his face) - that alone crosses a ton of job opportunities off of his list.  If he can't find a job, will I be able to?  I'm trained for nothing - will anybody really want to hire me?  While I am concerned about these things as well, I know that they weigh heavily on my husbands shoulders.

On my endeavor to be an encouragement to my husband, I took a closer look at Proverbs 31: 26: "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."  Where do I find my wisdom and faithful instruction?  The Bible, of course!  And while I have tried to never say anything discouraging to Eric, I know that sometimes saying nothing at all can be just as much of a discouragement.  So a few days ago, I decided to use Facebook as a way of encouraging my husband.  Each morning I plan on posting a scripture verse to his wall that I think will speak to him.  Today was day 4. 

When looking online for other ideas of how I can be an encouragement to the man who means more to me that anything on this earth...I found this 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge from Revive Our Hearts.  I think I will add this to my Scripture-a-Day.  One of the challenges is to go the entire 30 days without saying anything negative to or about your husband.  This one really got me.  In my quest to be encouraging, I have felt myself becoming very cranky - especially the past couple weeks.  Last night was horrible.  Everything was making me upset and I was losing my patience very easily. 

Some people may say, "You're pregnant.  You're literally down to your last few weeks and your hormones are going crazy.  It's alright - you have an excuse..."  But while mere man may understand and justify my actions, I do not feel that God is pleased when I act this way.  I used to say all the time, "I can't help it!" when I was in a bad mood and would act accordingly.  My dad was always one to reply with, "Yes you can, you just don't want to."  (Yeah, smart guy, my dad...) 

The bottom line is, I still have control over how I react to things.  Eric has always told me that the only thing he cares about is making sure that his family is happy.  When I'm cranky, I know that Eric interprets my actions to mean that I'm unhappy, which in turn makes him feel like he's not doing a good job of being a husband, friend, and father.  So if I want to be an encouragement to my husband, I know that being grouchy is not a good way of doing that (whether I'm showering scripture on him or not). 

So pray for me.  Pray that I can be there for my husband the way that he has always been there for me.  Pray that my attitude will help to put him a little more at ease.  Pray that, with time, peace will come...for both of us.  Because, I have to admit: right now, at this moment, all that me and my optimistic self wants to do is crawl into the corner, curl into a ball, and cry....

Hey, we all have our moments...